Emotional Intelligence and Maturity in Relationships - Does it Matter?
How important is emotional intelligence and maturity in relationships?
Most people end up dating someone with the same level of emotional maturity as themselves, and if not, this is usually what creates conflict & eventually lead to breakups.
When working with couples, they frequently present with a level of frustration, confusion or uncertainty of how to even move forward. They describe a lack of intimacy, connection & difficulties with communication.
Emotional maturity is not always the root of these problems. However, when it is -
“Emotional immaturity can reflect a lack of depth and understanding about one’s own emotions, an inability to communicate and process things related to the relationship, as well as lack of empathy and ability to understand your partner’s emotional experiences,” shares Samantha Burns, a dating coach.
Here are some examples of emotional immaturity & maturity:
IMMATURE
Lacks awareness of own emotions, + empathy towards others
Lacks accountability + tends to blame others
Not able to listen to others perspectives
Take things personally, become defensive, or shut down conversations with anger, sulking, or reactivity
MATURE
Have a level of self-awareness and insight, can identify and discuss emotions freely, show empathy towards other
Accept accountability for their actions, by acknowledging + taking ownership through apologies, repair + further discussions
Have a level of self-confidence, + can put their ego aside and listen to other points of view
Discernment, seeing the big picture; being able to be self-reflective & clear about what is their part &what is not.
It can be challenging to have a healthy relationship with someone who lacks emotional intelligence. However, emotional maturity is something that can be learned, but there has to be a desire to want to change & grow emotionally.
Communication, trust, and vulnerability are often the key components to what creates challenges or success in relationships. It is common for things to ebb & flow in relationships, and equally true that emotional intelligence and maturity are important for the foundation of a thriving and healthy relationship. It allows for growth & evolution as a couple, creating a level of trust, intimacy, and the ability to communicate about the vulnerability stuff.